Gen Con

Well, the Hugo results are making me so happy. A wonderfully diverse, gorgeous slate of recipients (though we of the Nebulas can still claim to be trend-setters, yes?), and I’m not even sorry to say that seeing VD BELOW ‘no award’ doesn’t make me the least bit sad. (Fun fact: I brought up some of the stuff I had to do in that fucking situation at one of the workshops this weekend, and actually choked up. Some of the things I had to read will probably never stop being just a little too raw.)

And, SFSignal got a Hugo! Again! I don’t get to claim much credit there, but as an official Irregular, it was such an amazing thing to find out today. Looking forward to next month’s superstar Social Science Fiction podcast even more now!

Overall, winding down on Gen Con, I’ve got…a lot to process. I’ll be going to Colorado for the funeral in two weeks, three days before Dragon Con, so I have to make some hard choices about what I can legitimately handle, especially in light of some of the other professional stuff I have going on right now. So many great opportunities that I need to devote time and attention to, so I’ve got to get a lot of things wrapped or at least leashed.

Personally, this show has been incredible. I’ve had a little too much experience dealing with staying on top of fresh grief during a professional event, lately–a year ago, I found out about Greyson’s death only a few short weeks before the Nebula/BEA/Purgatory/Origins/Portland/Purgatory/Gen Con/Dragon Con 3-month whirlwind tour. Then, I didn’t have the option. I had to keep other people together, and I had to stay competent professionally, so I don’t think I ever really grieved. Months later, I was still being blind-sided by it. My best friend also lost two people very close to her at this time, so it was easier to shove it all down and be supportive of her.

I had support, but because I was so busy, it wasn’t really something I was able to process well.

This weekend, *everyone* reached out. Tracy Barnett made me tear up with a reminder that I need to be kinder to myself. The hugs were plentiful, alcohol and love and cuddles and consideration were offered but not pressed. The network of people quietly making their presence and care known was powerfully humbling. It was *hard*, but I made it through this weekend without losing it once.

I talk a lot about the family you choose, but the reminder of just how amazing my chosen family is was so wonderful.

Outside of the personal, there are a lot of *really* exciting things being talked about, a lot of proposals and schedules, and timelines, and plans that I have to write. I’m moving back to more fiction and editing, and as burned out as I’ve been, it’s amazing to feel the rush of energy again. The last three years have been unrelenting in their blows, and I’ve nearly done foolish things any number of times, but looking at the amazing things I have to do now…this industry isn’t going to get rid of me that easily.

The workshops were so much fun, but now it’s time to take those experiments and do something *really* stupid: suggest an expansion. (You know me, no matter how carefully I plan, it WILL end up in my lap.)

And yes, there was plenty of bad, too, but it’s late, and I’m supposed to be up in a few hours for breakfast with wonderful people and a flight back to Charlotte, so, that is a subject for another day.